Monday, August 20, 2012
Fitting Room Etiquette:
Fitting rooms, or as I call them, The AA Room (Addicts Anonymous Room, I will explain later) in clothing stores are not a requirement but are favorable to have so the customer can try things on before buying so as to cut the cost and time of this same customer returning the item(s) later on. This of course is nonsense because the customer will return no matter if they tried it on or not. In this category, we will stick primarily to the fitting room and what most normal intelligent human beings regard as proper procedure versus the other vile animals that go through these said places and how each treats such.
Let’s start with the basics: What are fitting rooms for? They are to try on clothes. Easy right? So then why are their idiots out there who over-complicate this procedure or just plain ignores social protocol altogether and do what the fuck they want in them. I can not for the life of me understand why people trash the fitting rooms by leaving articles of clothing, food and trash in all forms all over the dressing room. Usually there is an attendant, or at the very least a designated area for where to put unwanted clothing at. If, none of the above then don’t be an ignorant asshole and assume someone will come by and clean up after you. You grabbed the merchandise, you can very well put the fucking merchandise back. Contrary to popular belief (popular belief as in only those that think they are to be served by others) sales associates do not get paid to clean up after grown adults. And you best believe that if you do this, you will get the shittiest customer service experience ever. People who leave items of clothing or products all over the fitting room/store are no better then children. It is not a rule to put your clothing back, it is a gesture that is offered. By all means, I do not expect for people to put their own clothes back, heaven fucking forbid. But it is a service that stores give access to for their customers in which sales associates will put the garments back for you. I had a customer ask me, “Do you want me to return these items back?“ I replied, “If you want to, that would be very helpful. Thank you.“ She was about to walk out when she turned around and said, “Wait, that’s your job and she flung the clothes over the quarter-partition wall that served as a cubby area for the fitting room attendant, and walked out. Was this completely necessary? Absolutely not! Or the time I saw a woman go in a fitting room with over forty articles of clothing. Unfortunately we do not have a limit as to what you can bring in so before I could stop her she slammed herself in the fitting room. I knocked on her door and offered that whatever she did not want to bring back out to leave at the attendant station for me to put back for her. Reason why we ask you to bring the clothes back out is A: if we are not there, someone else can use a clean fitting room just like you did; B: we can keep track of thieves and C: because if we don’t remind you, you will ultimately think you can do whatever you want in the fitting room. How did I know there were over forty items? Because while I was away getting a different size for a customer, she left by the time I came back and I had the fun time of playing forty item pick-up in the disaster zone known as the fitting room she was using. Another fun exciting time was when we were about to close in ten minutes and this young woman and her male companion came into the store and started shopping as if we just opened and had all day. I approached them and told them that the store would be closing in ten minutes. They were both mad and she got major attitude when she said she wanted to try a few things on. I could have been a douche and told her the fitting rooms were closed, but I said she had five minutes. Ten minutes later, I saw them leave the store laughing without purchasing anything. I went in the fitting room and saw they both left a pile of clothes in the fitting room and the slushy she was drinking was spilt all over the floor, the walls and the clothes. To this day, I vow that if I ever saw either one of them again I would definitely approach them and maybe sucker punch her in the face. The horror stories I can tell you about what I have found and/or witnessed in fitting rooms over the years working in retail - some are funny, some are not.
I have walked in the fitting room after someone has left a pile of clothes on the floor along with a pile of shit in the jeans. I have seen clothing where people have had their periods in them, pissed in them, threw up in them, came in them, the list goes on. I have walked into fitting rooms that have been vandalized with graffiti and make-up or scuff marks from their kids’ shoes on the freshly painted walls. People have had sex in the fitting room (sex addicts…a few tricks here and there), people have gotten high in the fitting room (drug addicts), people have had entire meals in the fitting room (food addicts) and then spill their drinks all over the clothes and floor or eat whatever and then have sauce/grease stains on the clothes. Hence why I dub the room, “Addicts Anonymous”, because it is a buffet of people with mental and personality disorders.
Now, aside from the extremes mentioned above which fall under the ‘vile animals’ category. There are other categories such as the obsessive need to try on every-single-fucking-item-of-clothing-in-the-store-and-then-walk-out-with-nothing-at-all. Don’t do that, don’t act like you never tried on a fucking t-shirt before. Take in a few things and see how they fit, that will give you a feel of how the brand fits you. Do not ask us to get you a size and then scream at us because you are squeezing your size 14 ass into an 8. If you walk in a fitting room with a medium, large and extra large in 10 different items then you should just know that the associate will alert the manger of you possibly being a Nasty-Ass Thief. When in reality, you are either a dumb whore that doesn’t know your asshole from your pie hole or you love the fact you are inconveniencing the people who work there to clean up after you. Bitch, really?!
Now I am a firm believer that there is a huge difference between men and women in terms of shopping. Men are generally not pigs in the store, there are exceptions to this rule of course and the same men who are not pigs make up for it by being complete douche bags to the sales associates. But for the most part, men use the fitting room for what it’s there for and 7 times out of 10, they put their own stuff back. Men, I am not Jack from ‘Will and Grace’, when I fit you in a pair of trousers or touch you to let you know where the garment does not fit you properly, I am not coming onto you or allotting some cheap trick to catch-a-feel. Even when I was single working in town, the customers that gave me their phone numbers can tell you that I did not play the first move. I am completely aware of other people’s personal spaces and I would never do anything unprofessional or to make someone feel uncomfortable. You straight guys, not all of you, need to get it through your head that you can’t catch it. I know that sounds ridiculous but you would not believe how uncomfortable some straight men are around gay men in the fitting room. Dude, I have a dick, I know what it looks like, you don’t have to get all “stop-staring-at-my-dick-bro”. It ain’t like that and if it is, take it as a compliment. There are the odd girl here and there that make passes at me and I smile graciously and thank them for the compliment and move on with my day. I even had a woman grab my ass and say, “hurry back now with that dress cutie, I’m going to need you to help me zip up, and if you’re lucky, get off.” Cracked me the fuck up, it did. I wasn’t going to go scream “rape” or anything, but I did make sure I had a co-worker come back with me to oversee everything was on the up and up.
So what should you do in a fitting room? What does common sense tell you to do in a fitting room. Go in with your clothes, try them on, and come back out with them. If you know you are going to go clothes shopping, do not wear deodorant that smears off. Do not go shopping for bathing suits when on your period. Do not feel compelled to try public sex in a fitting room (if caught, you will be banned from the store and humiliated; you may even be photographed or taped and that could lead to it being uploaded online.) Do not bring food or drinks in the fitting room (or in the store at all, it’s disgusting and completely unsanitary. Just don’t be a dirty bitch or trick in the fitting room, have respect for other people. If everybody uses the fitting room for what it is meant for, then everybody will have better experiences in them. Save for the woman squeezing her size 14 ass in an 8; they will never be happy.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Customer Service:
“The customer is always right.”
Who came up with this frightfully inaccurate phrase? I will bet that most people, especially those that completely abuse this policy are ignorant to its original source. In fact, when asked several people whom never worked in retail, admitted they could not say where it originated but can recall that it has always been assumed. Allow me to educate you:
“In the USA it is particularly associated with Marshall Field's department store in Chicago (established in the late 19th century). The store is an icon of the city, although it is set to lose its name in 2006 when, following a takeover, it becomes renamed as Macy's. In the UK, Harry Gordon Selfridge (1857-1947) the founder of London's Selfridges store (opened in 1909), is credited with championing its use. The Wisconsin born Selfridge worked for Field from 1879 to 1901.
Whether the phrase was coined by Field or Selfridge it is fair to call it American. What we can't do is credit us with the idea behind it. In 1908 César Ritz (1850-1918), the celebrated French hotelier is credited with saying 'Le client n'a jamais tort' - 'The customer is never wrong'. That's not the phrase that people now remember, but it can hardly be said to be any different in meaning to 'the customer is always right'.”
This little trip down memory lane brings me to my biggest peeve in terms of customer service. The notion that people think they are entitled to anything they want based on the phrase that they are always right. You coming in demanding discounts because the sale yesterday ended today and you were going to pick up that shirt but did not and you threaten, if we want to keep you as the great “loyal” customer that you are, then we will give you the discount because you are right and we are in the wrong…No. It does not work like that you stupid bitch and the confusing part of it all is you already know that. You coming in and acting like a chicken-head over a ripped bag you "purchased" in December (it is now August) with no receipt, no fucking bag by the way and you have the audacity to come in and sqwak about us doing something for you? Really? How about this: Stop expecting people owe you shit just because you don't know how to properly treat your property. You come in eight months after you purchase the bag, not from our store, with no receipt (a receipt is also known as proof of purchase just in case you were not aware, No, showing us a Orange County bag does not prove you purchased it from us you dusty ass......) And you expect to be accomodated?! For what? Your negligence? Guess what? Sucks to be youuuuuuuu...!!! CLUCK CLUCK BITCH!
When asked what my second biggest peeve is in terms of dealing with the general public is the dreaded question: “Do you work here?” Instinct wants me to say, “No….”naturally. But then I think about it some, I look around me as I hold a mannequin’s arm in one hand, a shirt in the other and pins in my mouth. Oh, and the lance around my neck with the placard inside the plastic sleeve stating “Ask me how you can save 20%”………Now, let’s go back to the question: When you go into a store and see someone working, why would you ask them if they work there? Who do you know goes into department stores and changes the mannequins, walks behind the cash wrap, wears the store’s logo on their shirt, (enter obvious signs of that said person and their probability of working there here.) It’s really not that fucking difficult to figure out people! I was at The Gap and some guy walks in as I was shopping and just as I was refolding a shirt he bellows out to me, “Where you’re t-shirts at?” I looked at him and said, “I don’t work here.” His girlfriend laughed while he stared at me like he didn’t believe me. She then said, “It’s because you’re dressed so nice.” Oh, I get it! You walk into a store and the first person you deem inferior to you (me, the fag who obviously works in a clothing store to you, the breeder who obviously works a more manly job in blue collar) is justified to bellow at and bark orders to. No, I fucking got it bitch, loud and clear and it had nothing to do with the fact that I dress better then your Neanderthal boyfriend or your “Juicy”-imprinted ass. By the way ladies, wearing Victoria Secret loungewear is not street wear; you all look trashy and I don’t care what size you are.
Let me break it down for you: People who get great customer service, earn it. We are not paid to be your bitch, your door mat, or treated anything less then civil just because we are on the other side of the cash register. We are paid to assist customers to and with our products. We are paid to maintain the appearance of the store (no, this does not mean cleaning up after you or your disgusting brats you chose to bear into this already over-populated world). We are paid to merchandise the store to the best of our capabilities and most importantly, to keep the sales rolling in. Customer service is a two-way street: Treat me nice and with decent mutual respect and I will do my utmost best to have you come back to the store again by time and time again giving you great tips such as sales, coupons, etcetera. But be an ignorant dirty bitch and/or a raging psycho, then I will do one of two things: Walk away and leave you and report you to every store in the area as the ignorant dirty bitch/ raging psycho you are or give it right back to you with a customer-pleasing-eat-shit smile. You should ultimately understand that we who work retail are people too and while there are a great number of fresh-out-of-high-school kids working in your store, there are an even greater number of people going for their college degrees and even have degrees that out number yours. The reason people work these horrible paying, joy-sucking jobs varies on the person. I work retail because I am in school obtaining my degree to teach and no one likes to hire a college student because we do not have set schedules. I am a little older then a typical college student and this will be my second degree I am going for. I know one guy who has four degrees and he just doesn’t know what to do in life so he stays in school and he happens to be the most intelligent person I know. So just because we work retail and you have a great office job does not mean you are better then us. Walk into a store with that kind of attitude and you will be least likely on having a great customer service experience. Nobody likes to be anywhere near others that make them feel like shit.
“The customer is always right.”
Who came up with this frightfully inaccurate phrase? I will bet that most people, especially those that completely abuse this policy are ignorant to its original source. In fact, when asked several people whom never worked in retail, admitted they could not say where it originated but can recall that it has always been assumed. Allow me to educate you:
“In the USA it is particularly associated with Marshall Field's department store in Chicago (established in the late 19th century). The store is an icon of the city, although it is set to lose its name in 2006 when, following a takeover, it becomes renamed as Macy's. In the UK, Harry Gordon Selfridge (1857-1947) the founder of London's Selfridges store (opened in 1909), is credited with championing its use. The Wisconsin born Selfridge worked for Field from 1879 to 1901.
Whether the phrase was coined by Field or Selfridge it is fair to call it American. What we can't do is credit us with the idea behind it. In 1908 César Ritz (1850-1918), the celebrated French hotelier is credited with saying 'Le client n'a jamais tort' - 'The customer is never wrong'. That's not the phrase that people now remember, but it can hardly be said to be any different in meaning to 'the customer is always right'.”
This little trip down memory lane brings me to my biggest peeve in terms of customer service. The notion that people think they are entitled to anything they want based on the phrase that they are always right. You coming in demanding discounts because the sale yesterday ended today and you were going to pick up that shirt but did not and you threaten, if we want to keep you as the great “loyal” customer that you are, then we will give you the discount because you are right and we are in the wrong…No. It does not work like that you stupid bitch and the confusing part of it all is you already know that. You coming in and acting like a chicken-head over a ripped bag you "purchased" in December (it is now August) with no receipt, no fucking bag by the way and you have the audacity to come in and sqwak about us doing something for you? Really? How about this: Stop expecting people owe you shit just because you don't know how to properly treat your property. You come in eight months after you purchase the bag, not from our store, with no receipt (a receipt is also known as proof of purchase just in case you were not aware, No, showing us a Orange County bag does not prove you purchased it from us you dusty ass......) And you expect to be accomodated?! For what? Your negligence? Guess what? Sucks to be youuuuuuuu...!!! CLUCK CLUCK BITCH!
When asked what my second biggest peeve is in terms of dealing with the general public is the dreaded question: “Do you work here?” Instinct wants me to say, “No….”naturally. But then I think about it some, I look around me as I hold a mannequin’s arm in one hand, a shirt in the other and pins in my mouth. Oh, and the lance around my neck with the placard inside the plastic sleeve stating “Ask me how you can save 20%”………Now, let’s go back to the question: When you go into a store and see someone working, why would you ask them if they work there? Who do you know goes into department stores and changes the mannequins, walks behind the cash wrap, wears the store’s logo on their shirt, (enter obvious signs of that said person and their probability of working there here.) It’s really not that fucking difficult to figure out people! I was at The Gap and some guy walks in as I was shopping and just as I was refolding a shirt he bellows out to me, “Where you’re t-shirts at?” I looked at him and said, “I don’t work here.” His girlfriend laughed while he stared at me like he didn’t believe me. She then said, “It’s because you’re dressed so nice.” Oh, I get it! You walk into a store and the first person you deem inferior to you (me, the fag who obviously works in a clothing store to you, the breeder who obviously works a more manly job in blue collar) is justified to bellow at and bark orders to. No, I fucking got it bitch, loud and clear and it had nothing to do with the fact that I dress better then your Neanderthal boyfriend or your “Juicy”-imprinted ass. By the way ladies, wearing Victoria Secret loungewear is not street wear; you all look trashy and I don’t care what size you are.
Let me break it down for you: People who get great customer service, earn it. We are not paid to be your bitch, your door mat, or treated anything less then civil just because we are on the other side of the cash register. We are paid to assist customers to and with our products. We are paid to maintain the appearance of the store (no, this does not mean cleaning up after you or your disgusting brats you chose to bear into this already over-populated world). We are paid to merchandise the store to the best of our capabilities and most importantly, to keep the sales rolling in. Customer service is a two-way street: Treat me nice and with decent mutual respect and I will do my utmost best to have you come back to the store again by time and time again giving you great tips such as sales, coupons, etcetera. But be an ignorant dirty bitch and/or a raging psycho, then I will do one of two things: Walk away and leave you and report you to every store in the area as the ignorant dirty bitch/ raging psycho you are or give it right back to you with a customer-pleasing-eat-shit smile. You should ultimately understand that we who work retail are people too and while there are a great number of fresh-out-of-high-school kids working in your store, there are an even greater number of people going for their college degrees and even have degrees that out number yours. The reason people work these horrible paying, joy-sucking jobs varies on the person. I work retail because I am in school obtaining my degree to teach and no one likes to hire a college student because we do not have set schedules. I am a little older then a typical college student and this will be my second degree I am going for. I know one guy who has four degrees and he just doesn’t know what to do in life so he stays in school and he happens to be the most intelligent person I know. So just because we work retail and you have a great office job does not mean you are better then us. Walk into a store with that kind of attitude and you will be least likely on having a great customer service experience. Nobody likes to be anywhere near others that make them feel like shit.
The Beginning
I was 17 when I applied as a sales associate at The Bridge (aka the space between your two front teeth. I must use alternate names for obvious reasons so bear with me.). I shopped there often enough and when I was told by a friend that she got discounts, I was sold! The Bridge was my first introduction to the colorful world of retail and ironic enough is what got me where I am now - The Bridge's more evil (and pricier) triplet, Orange County. The ugly and cheap triplet is more like a step-child and is not spoken aloud in The Bridge or Orange County; We will name her, Used Denim. Both Used Denim and Orange County are owned by The Bridge though they do not cross streams in the ugly world of retail. As in you cannot return Bridge clothing at Orange County or Used Denim or vice versa. A fact customers who know we are affiliated can not comprehend. These are the same assholes who fight the return policy even though it is clearly written on their receipts. But I digress:
Training at The Bridge was mind numbingly dull! They made us sit in the stockroom on metal fold out chairs around an old television where we were informed on the Bridge's history and what was expected out of us and blah blah blah. Honestly, I do not remember the entirety of that video because even at 16 I knew it was full of bullshit. What I do remember of that meeting is the pain in my ass from sitting too long on metal chairs. After "orientation" it was there at The Bridge, I was taught that the customer is always right and that customer service is top priority. It was not until Orange County where not only did I spend the bulk of my retail career but also where everything I learned at Bridge was rewritten. At Orange County, we did not sell khakis, we sold "chinos"; We did not sell jeans, we sold "denim". Slacks were "trousers" and tops were broken up even further with knits, sweaters and wovens and then subcategorized into button downs, tees, etc. I learned how to properly fold clothing (a habit that many Bridge Inc employees bring home with them if you stay on too long). I learned how to color code and size.
To save time and energy I only remember a few incidents at The Bridge in my 6 month employment. I was thrown a surprise 18th birthday party by my family and as I was getting ready for work when they surprised me with friends and cake. They told me that my boss was in on it and I did not have to go into work. I called my boss to makes ure and he said "All is good, have a great birthday." I went in the next day and the manager on duty yelled from the middle of the store, "Out! You are fired!" I asked her what was going on and she had the guard stop me from going any further where she met me and escorted me to the front door. I did not understand, I told her I was early for my shift and she said, "You did not show up for your shift yesterday." I told her that her boss, the store manager was already aware of why I was out and that it was taken cared of. She told the guard to leave us alone once we got to the front door and I was outside of it. I told her to go talk to Rob and it would be fine. She leaned into me and said, "I don't like working with fags. You are written down as a no-call, no-show which are grounds for termination." She then closed the door and told the guard to makes sure I did not enter. Nor did I up to the day it was closed down due to too many robberies and too many poor sales. I went as far as calling Rob and explaining the situation and he said it was my word against hers and it did not look too well for me that I did not show up for my shift. He was in on it the whole time and I knew there was nothing I could do. Afterall, this was before Equal Opportunity Employer and to this very day, in the state of Pennsylvania, among others, there are no laws protecting individuals from being fired based on their sexual orientation.
I saw her a few years later at a Bridge store in a nearby mall, I did not know how to react, I was not mean or vindictive back then. I simply walked out and that was the last time I saw her again. Fast forward a few years and a couple other retail hell experiences and that brings me to going to college and my start at the pricier triplet in the big city. I was looking for part-time employment close to college in the city when I found out through a friend that Orange County was hiring. I was hesitant at first based on my previous experience with the company but I really needed a job. I applied and got the job out of fifty of us, only 10 got the job. I worked here for five years before landing a much better job in wholesale/retail working with designers, architects and their private clients. I worked in this industry and the ladder for the next 8 years. I was running a great store, had a great salary, a place of my own in the city. Then the economy tanked and working in an industry where luxury was not a neccessity did not help at all. With the economy went my job, my six year relationship with my fiance, my apartment in the city, my worthless degree, and ultimately, my self-confidence. I went back to the parents' with my tail between my legs and my cat Clyde at my side.
No this is not a pity party nor is this blog about my personal life. I believe everything happens for a reason: I am going back to school for something I really want to do, I live with an amazing boyfriend who totally gets me (most of the time), and I have a job that pays half the bills (could be worse, could be no job). So it's not so much about my personal life's rants and raves, but it is essential as a writer to give the back story of where the author is coming from when he writes about his experiences today. My blog is about my experiences in retail and the funny, and not so funny experiences in the retail industry. I will recall some experiences from the past as they come up but ultimately from my current fiascoes. I hope you enjoy the tales as this is a form of therapy for me to unhash all the bullshit that happens to me and coworkers.
Training at The Bridge was mind numbingly dull! They made us sit in the stockroom on metal fold out chairs around an old television where we were informed on the Bridge's history and what was expected out of us and blah blah blah. Honestly, I do not remember the entirety of that video because even at 16 I knew it was full of bullshit. What I do remember of that meeting is the pain in my ass from sitting too long on metal chairs. After "orientation" it was there at The Bridge, I was taught that the customer is always right and that customer service is top priority. It was not until Orange County where not only did I spend the bulk of my retail career but also where everything I learned at Bridge was rewritten. At Orange County, we did not sell khakis, we sold "chinos"; We did not sell jeans, we sold "denim". Slacks were "trousers" and tops were broken up even further with knits, sweaters and wovens and then subcategorized into button downs, tees, etc. I learned how to properly fold clothing (a habit that many Bridge Inc employees bring home with them if you stay on too long). I learned how to color code and size.
To save time and energy I only remember a few incidents at The Bridge in my 6 month employment. I was thrown a surprise 18th birthday party by my family and as I was getting ready for work when they surprised me with friends and cake. They told me that my boss was in on it and I did not have to go into work. I called my boss to makes ure and he said "All is good, have a great birthday." I went in the next day and the manager on duty yelled from the middle of the store, "Out! You are fired!" I asked her what was going on and she had the guard stop me from going any further where she met me and escorted me to the front door. I did not understand, I told her I was early for my shift and she said, "You did not show up for your shift yesterday." I told her that her boss, the store manager was already aware of why I was out and that it was taken cared of. She told the guard to leave us alone once we got to the front door and I was outside of it. I told her to go talk to Rob and it would be fine. She leaned into me and said, "I don't like working with fags. You are written down as a no-call, no-show which are grounds for termination." She then closed the door and told the guard to makes sure I did not enter. Nor did I up to the day it was closed down due to too many robberies and too many poor sales. I went as far as calling Rob and explaining the situation and he said it was my word against hers and it did not look too well for me that I did not show up for my shift. He was in on it the whole time and I knew there was nothing I could do. Afterall, this was before Equal Opportunity Employer and to this very day, in the state of Pennsylvania, among others, there are no laws protecting individuals from being fired based on their sexual orientation.
I saw her a few years later at a Bridge store in a nearby mall, I did not know how to react, I was not mean or vindictive back then. I simply walked out and that was the last time I saw her again. Fast forward a few years and a couple other retail hell experiences and that brings me to going to college and my start at the pricier triplet in the big city. I was looking for part-time employment close to college in the city when I found out through a friend that Orange County was hiring. I was hesitant at first based on my previous experience with the company but I really needed a job. I applied and got the job out of fifty of us, only 10 got the job. I worked here for five years before landing a much better job in wholesale/retail working with designers, architects and their private clients. I worked in this industry and the ladder for the next 8 years. I was running a great store, had a great salary, a place of my own in the city. Then the economy tanked and working in an industry where luxury was not a neccessity did not help at all. With the economy went my job, my six year relationship with my fiance, my apartment in the city, my worthless degree, and ultimately, my self-confidence. I went back to the parents' with my tail between my legs and my cat Clyde at my side.
No this is not a pity party nor is this blog about my personal life. I believe everything happens for a reason: I am going back to school for something I really want to do, I live with an amazing boyfriend who totally gets me (most of the time), and I have a job that pays half the bills (could be worse, could be no job). So it's not so much about my personal life's rants and raves, but it is essential as a writer to give the back story of where the author is coming from when he writes about his experiences today. My blog is about my experiences in retail and the funny, and not so funny experiences in the retail industry. I will recall some experiences from the past as they come up but ultimately from my current fiascoes. I hope you enjoy the tales as this is a form of therapy for me to unhash all the bullshit that happens to me and coworkers.
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